


Summer Was

by transdreamsicle



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hand Jobs, M/M, Naked Cuddling, POV Alternating, Porn with Feelings, Recreational Drug Use, Road Trips, Trans Loki (Marvel), Trans Male Character, Vaginal Fingering, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 20:00:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19730755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transdreamsicle/pseuds/transdreamsicle
Summary: When Thor says he loves Loki he says it like a vow, one he intends to keep.





	Summer Was

**Author's Note:**

> very lightly edited, no beta. enjoy!

Thor runs his fingers over Loki's eyebrows and traces the shadows created by their single flashlight as it lies between them. Loki’s skin is smooth and hot, still peeling from a healing sunburn. The campground is only about half-full from what Thor’s been able to see, and everyone is staying by the lake a twenty minute walk from their plot. They’re basically alone, but it’s not private by any stretch. Somehow Loki still felt secure enough earlier to walk through the grass naked except for a pair of flip flops.

The mosquitos are as big as house cats out here, but Thor stripped down, too. He can’t let Loki make trouble all by himself. 

Lightning bugs dance in the air around them, creating stars within the fog. He feels like a little kid again, like a firework ready to burst apart and bathe Loki in sparks of color that will banish all of their shadows.

Loki sighs and smiles and Thor leans in closer, runs his finger down the straight slope of Loki's nose and stops right at the tip. Do brothers do this? Do normal brothers do this? Will Loki call him out on being so clingy, on memorizing his face with these gentle touches? Even if he lost his sight tomorrow he'd know Loki's face by the curve of his cheek and the cut of his smile.

A tight, uneasy feeling settles in Thor's stomach. It's more than butterflies, it's a flock of birds trying to escape an impending storm.

He's in love with his brother.

Crickets fill the clearing with noise, all of them trying to find mates so their songs will never die. Loki shivers when wind blows over them, the temperature has started to drop and it’s just enough of a twitch for Thor to notice. More wind blows through the trees and makes them whisper. Thor feels like this place knows him the longer they stay. 

Maybe he can get away with sharing a blanket with his brother like he used to when they were little. They aren’t little anymore, haven’t been for so long, and sometimes Thor misses being young and small like a limb, like a piece of himself that he took for granted until it was gone. 

Maybe they can sleep under the stars tonight, bug bites and rainy forecast be damned. 

Loki opens his eyes and turns his head, but Thor leaves his finger floating in the air; a bookmark to keep Loki's place. 

“Wanna put the cap back on the truck?”

Thor doesn't. He pulls his hand back and holds it against his chest. “Sure.”

Neither of them move. They look and look at each other and with every second that drags by Thor can feel his heart crawling into his throat. 

Loki smiles, then climbs out of the bed. Thor closes his eyes and memorizes the shadow of Loki's face burned into the backs of his eyelids. When the image fades and becomes blurry he opens his eyes again and follows Loki into the dewy grass.

Together they manage to slide the cap back into the bed and snap it in place, then Loki crawls back inside the tiny space already mostly filled with pillows and blankets and several inches of foam from repurposed mattress toppers. In some places the ridges and bumps show through their sheets and sometimes Loki will just idly run his fingers around and around them in circles. There’s no reason for Thor to watch except that he likes Loki’s hands.

Loki is never still when he’s awake. To be Loki is to move, to never settle. Neither his body nor his mind. Both are always moving, always seeking new things. Teachers loved or loathed Loki depending on the subject. If he liked the subject then he was a dream. Easy to teach and eager for extra credit. If he didn’t like the subject then he was always nearly failing. One time Loki wrote an entire paper in Pig Latin for chemistry because he wanted to show how much he actively didn’t care about passing. 

During one spring break they spent an entire day on the back patio while Loki explained how groundbreaking the Gershwins were for combining jazz and classical music. All Thor really remembers from that talk was the way Loki kept smiling, and that they ate an entire freezer of homemade popsicles instead of actual food.

Thor double checks that everything is closed down and follows Loki into their sleeping space to huddle under the mix of quilts and throws. Loki’s legs drift toward his and they tangle into each other with blankets twisted around between them as a barrier.

Loki is asleep within minutes, little snores echoing around the bed on every other breath. Thor smiles and listens. This is the sound of his childhood. Back when their mom moved them out in a weekend and they all shared a studio apartment. He and Loki shared a twin mattress and Hela took the couch, their mom slept on the floor when she wasn’t working. If Thor thinks about it too much at one time he’ll start crying.

He forces himself to think about something else, knows he’s keeping himself awake, but ignores the little guilty voice in the back of his head telling him not to. They don’t have any alarms set. They leave when they feel like it. 

Wind rocks the truck as it whips around them and within seconds Thor hears the soft, grey pattering of rain above his head. As much as he wants to stay awake it seems like the night has other plans for him.

His eyes slip shut, too heavy to stay open, and he keeps himself conscious long enough to have one last thought. The thought that has carried him through these first three weeks of summer.

He applied to the same university Loki did. 

He’s been accepted.

—

Thor doesn’t sleep. He hibernates. Loki doesn’t bother to move slow or gentle as he forces himself up and tosses the blankets from his body. The entire truck is rocking and creaking as he moves. Cold morning air blasts in when he opens the tailgate to slip out and take a piss. 

The grass is wet and the dew is frigid on his skin. Not even thirty seconds to empty his bladder and he spends the entirety of it shivering. Thor is still dead to the world as Loki ambles back in and latches the tailgate closed. It feels like a sauna compared to outside. The windows on the cap are fogged up from their body heat and the humidity of their breath. Loki watches water drops condense and run down the pane nearest his head.

Everything is muddled together, the world exists as a spill of grey and blue that blends into itself. Watery tracks show slivers of a cloudy sky and trees swaying in the wind. The birds are so loud Loki thinks they’ve gone from singing to screaming.

He looks at Thor because he can’t not. Thor is right there, close and warm and better than anyone else Loki has ever known. Sometimes he wonders if the doctors didn’t mix him up at the hospital. Maybe Thor actually has an identical twin and Loki was handed back as a mistake. The world could only benefit from more of Thor in it. 

Mom likes to show off an ultrasound where it looks like they were trying to hold hands but their placentas were in the way. Apparently Loki almost tore through his. He would have suffocated and died in the womb just to touch Thor.

He still would.

Thor turns in his sleep and ends up on his side facing Loki. There’s dry spit crusted on one side of his mouth and Loki’s sure there’s a matching patch on his arm.

The dull, overcast skies must be breaking apart behind him because Loki watches buttery, golden dawn bleeding in and bathing Thor in its light. He reaches out and twirls Thor’s shining hair around one finger and even tugs the lock a little. All Thor does is hum in his sleep.

When he was a kid their mom had to tell him to stop staring at people so much. It makes them uncomfortable. Even Thor will sometimes ask if Loki’s looking at something. He is. He’s looking at Thor. Most of his life has been marked by moments of looking at Thor, or to Thor, trying to adjust his own behavior to better suit Thor’s needs and wants. Every attempt always leaves him bereft in some way because no matter how he does or doesn’t change Thor just… 

Thor loves him.

The weight of Thor’s love would terrify him if he didn’t need it so damn badly. 

His stomach growls and within seconds Thor is blinking awake, breathing deep and moaning softly as he stretches. Loki keeps hold of his hair and when Thor’s eyes focus, bright and blue and beautiful on him, Thor chuckles.

“Mornin’,” Thor sighs.

Loki’s heart swells in his chest. He can’t tell if it’s breaking or not. Thor always make him feel too much.

He smiles and tugs on the lock one last time, then releases it. “Good morning, let’s go get breakfast. Maybe we can keep moving?”

Thor nods and then pulls him close and wraps him into a tight hug. Loki closes his eyes and relaxes into it, breathes in the scent of Thor until he feels sleep calling him again. It would be too easy to just sleep the day away in his brother’s arms, but he wants to at least make it to the Rockies before they have to turn back for home. He rolls onto his back only for Thor to roll half on top of him.

“Thor, come on, I’m hungry.” Loki smiles as he speaks, too tired yet to put any annoyance into his tone.

Thor groans and begins shuffling back to the tailgate. He shakes the entire truck as he moves, far more than Loki ever could with as big and heavy as Thor is. Cold air rushes into the space and Loki curls tighter into the blankets as Thor relieves himself. He stays there another few moments, then tosses the blankets off and climbs out, scurrying through the grass to jump into the passenger seat of the truck. 

Everything is still cold, but it’ll warm up quick enough. He rests his head against the seat and closes his eyes and listens as Thor closes the tailgate before joining him in the front of the truck. The engine kicks on and Thor wastes no time in pulling out of the campground. They paid for three days and they stayed that long. It’s a nice spot, maybe they’ll take another trip back here. Or maybe all they’ll have left is their selfies and memories. Loki’s okay if this place only stays with him through Instagram.

“I remember a diner a few miles down the highway, sound good?” Thor’s voice is rough, deeper than usual and Loki lets it slip through his senses all warm and sweet.

Loki makes a non-committal noise and reaches out to rifle through the glove box until he finds the little bag of joints he stole from someone the first day they got to the campground. Whoever rolled them wasn’t half-bad, they’re pretty solid, and he hopes the weed is decent. 

The one he pulls out is wrapped in blueberry wrapping paper and he rolls his eyes and pulls Thor’s lighter out of the glovebox. He cracks the window and lights up, hating the cold but not wanting to hot box them so they walk into the diner reeking. 

The weed is fine, not the best he’s had, but it’ll give him a nice buzz. He only tastes the blueberry for the first few drags, then the taste wears off and it’s just the smoke in his mouth and lungs, out his nose. 

“Hey, let me have some before you smoke the entire thing yourself.” Thor has one hand off the steering wheel, but he’s still looking at the road.

Loki passes the joint to him and watches him try not to cough, making that ugly snorting sound Loki associates with parties he barely remembers. He’s sure there will be more.

“Isn’t it irresponsible to smoke and drive? That’s a DWI, right?” Loki takes the joint when Thor passes it and watches smoke curl out of Thor’s nostrils, whipping around in the cold morning air whistling in through Loki’s open window.

Thor shrugs. “I’m not high, I’m fine. I’m in the lane, I’m going,” Thor glances at the speedometer, “basically the speed limit.”

Loki takes a long hit off the joint and tamps it out using the old cigarette lighter that didn’t work when Mom bought this damn truck. “Whatever you say. When you get pulled over I’m telling the cop I don’t know you. I’m gonna say you kidnapped me.”

Thor chuckles. “I’ll tell him we’re brothers and he’ll have to believe me.”

“Then I’ll tell him I’m adopted and we’re not really related,” Loki retorts.

Thor looks at him and smirks. “What? Like we chose you?”

Delight bubbles up in Loki’s chest and makes him giggle. Maybe the weed was better than he thought, or maybe it’s the same affect Thor’s always had on him. If anyone else makes fun of him he lashes out, becomes angry and defensive, cuts into them three times deeper than they cut him. But not with Thor. When Thor does it it’s a joke, it’s because Thor loves him. 

He doesn’t know why he feels like no one else really loves him like Thor does.

He doesn’t know when he started lying to himself, either.

Loki calms from his giggling fit and scoots to sit a little sideways, watching Thor’s face as he drives.

“I’m going to shave your head in your sleep for that,” he threatens.

Thor leans to the center and looks at himself in the rear view. “Eh, I’d look good with short hair.”

“Not the way I’ll do it.”

Thor laughs and Loki feels weightless. Not high, just light. Soft inside.

Maybe a little high.

But still. There’s something about Thor, about the way they fit together, who they are together.

Fuck.

Loki’s in love with his brother.

He shouldn’t be okay with that.

— 

Birds sing above their heads, uncaring of the high winds trying to blow them right out of the trees. Thor watches leaves fly off the top most branches and kicks his legs to swing a little higher as the wind pushes at his back. The entire swing set is leaning with his weight. He's sure the only reason is doesn't tip and topple right over is because Loki is swinging in an opposing rhythm. Forward when he's back and back when he's forward, passing each other by in the middle with smiles.

They're way too old for this.

The grey sky above looks different than back home, somehow. Thor wonders why. Back home the grey skies look more blue, maybe, or maybe there’s no difference except that he knows he’s not home.

Loki’s hand brushes his when they swing past each other and he thinks he’s wrong about not being home. He’s home as long as Loki’s with him, isn’t he? 

“Thor, I felt a drop.” Loki digs his feet into the mulch and stops himself.

Thor keeps swinging, slowing down naturally by letting his legs dangle. “Okay, do you want to go back to the truck?

Loki chews his lower lip, exposing the empty hole where his lip ring was all last year. “There’s a shelter back there,” he twists and squints, “we could sit there, maybe.”

Thor lets his toes drag across the dirt to slow him further and feels rain hitting his face and hands as he stops. “Sure.”

He’s not moving anymore, but his stomach is still jumping and swooping, making him feel like he’s falling through the air. A heavy gust of wind whips past them and Thor shivers at the chill. Loki stands and grabs his arm, pulls him up out of the swing without even trying because where else can he go except where Loki leads?

The shelter is as empty as the rest of the park, abandoned on a rainy day because people with common sense stay inside. It has two rows of picnic tables, one has four and the other only has three, leaving a gap near a cobweb ridden sign for a bathroom in a simple brick structure. When Thor sits the bench groans dangerously and he hops right back up. 

Loki throws his head back and laughs, then pats Thor’s belly. “I didn’t think you’d gained that much weight.”

Thor rolls his eyes. “I haven’t. I think these tables are old.”

Loki puts his foot on the seat and steps up, the wood groans under him, too and Thor raises an eyebrow, a silent  _ told you _ that makes Loki roll his eyes. Thor watches Loki sit down on the tabletop, studies the pale curve at the crook of Loki’s neck, just sticking out where his hoodie is starting to fall off his shoulder.

He's beautiful.

Loki's hand reaches for him and he takes it in his own. His brother yanks him forward, makes him trip and land hard on his knees against the bench, which groans again under his weight. He frowns, opens his mouth but Loki is looking at him and the words on his lips die. The gray skies make Loki's pretty green eyes dark and Thor feels his stomach drop.

"Do you love me, big brother?" Loki asks, his voice a whisper only just louder than the wind picking up around them.

A surge of heat fills Thor's chest and stomach, pain turning right into anger. "What kind of question is that?"

Loki doesn't answer, his grip on Thor's wrist goes tighter.

"Loki," he growls, "I don't want to play one of your games right now."

Loki's thumb strokes his pulse, he shakes his head. "I wasn't—I'm not… it's not a game."

Thor takes a breath and hears thunder in the distance. They need to go back to the truck.

"You know I love you, Loki," he promises.

Loki's other hand comes up and cradles his jaw and Thor stops breathing. Brothers don't do this. Not like this.

"I don't," Loki says, "I think, but I don't know."

The words sink in and a switch flips in Thor's mind. Loki doesn't ever ask for the information he really wants. So what does he really want? 

Maybe. 

Maybe it's the same thing Thor wants.

He’s always looking at Thor, always staring, like he’s searching for something. Loki’s never minded his touches, never snapped at him the way he snaps at everyone else. Thor closes his eyes and feels a weight slip from his shoulders. His heart feels light, like it could be blown right out of his chest. Loneliness has kept him heavy, but he doesn’t have to be alone.

Loki loves him.

He opens his eyes and leans in, presses his lips to his brother's and breathes deep. Loki makes a small, broken kind of noise that resonates in Thor’s bones. 

They're the same. 

—

Thor kissed him.

Loki let himself be open, let himself be exposed in every way that terrifies him, and Thor poured into him like the rain outside the shelter yesterday afternoon.

They woke up in a tangle this morning and Loki didn’t want to leave. He can still feel Thor’s legs wrapped up in his and the way Thor’s hand felt resting on his stomach. No blankets between them this time. Just them, just a world they made for themselves, a new home where they can love each other like they want. He runs his fingers across his lips and looks at Thor, the little smile on his face, the way the sun makes him glow as it shines through the windshield.

He is sweet and golden and perfect and he belongs to Loki.

“What if we never went home?” Loki asks.

Thor grins a little wider. “Do you want to keep driving, or would we find some place to settle down?”

Loki tilts his head and considers the land around them. Tall trees creating dense forests, the weather steadily cooling the further they drive into the mountains.

“We’d find a place up in the woods, maybe, just us,” he says.

Thor reaches over without looking and grabs his wrist, holds onto it like he used to when they were little. When he used to hold Loki back from running off and doing something rash.

Who is he holding back now?

“We could maybe just get an apartment together when we go to college,” Thor says.

Loki squints then looks at Thor out of the corner of his eye, almost asks Thor what he means but he remembers that Thor hid his acceptance letter. Hid it so well Loki doesn’t even know where it is. He assumed until now that Thor was waiting to break some bad news, that they’d be so far apart they wouldn’t even have holidays together.

But no. No. Thor hid it for another reason. Loki’s heart skips as he understands what Thor is saying. “So we?”

“I didn’t want to tell you I even applied in case it got your hopes up and they turned me down. Then I didn’t know when to tell you I was accepted. Guess now’s a good time, right?” Thor tells him, casual, calm, like it isn’t the best news of Loki’s life so far.

To know they won’t be separated. To know Loki isn’t making a mistake with the school he chose. To know that Thor doesn’t want them to grow apart just because they’re growing up.

He turns his hand over and slides it back to thread their fingers together. His stomach feels light with joy and relief, and he feels like he has his future again rather than some intangible mystery. All he needs to know is that Thor is with him, and he knows that everything will be okay. 

As much as he tries, he can’t force the smile off his face.

—

Thor counts the freckles that have started showing up on Loki’s skin. Little constellations that wind over the bridge of his nose and spill out from his forehead to his cheeks. Loki hates them, hates that they make him look a little younger, a little softer. Since they were kids Loki has tried to camouflage himself like a hoverfly; always trying to look venomous and deadly, but he just wants something sweet. 

Fireworks explode over their heads with force that shakes the glass in the cap and vibrates inside Thor’s chest and belly. They’re bare, legs tangled, sweat building up between them under the thin blanket. The cap windows are starting to fog, a border of it at the bottom of the glass that’s crawling up as they breathe. 

He has his hand resting on Loki’s stomach, his favorite spot, and as he’s recreating Orion above Loki’s eyebrow he realizes something. 

There’s no reason not to touch Loki the way he’s always wanted to. Not anymore.

He smiles and kisses Loki’s shoulder. Loki makes a pleased sound, short and gentle. Thor wants more of his sounds.

Loki’s skin is smooth, but his hair is wiry and long. His happy trail starts at his belly button and Thor follows it down, down until he brushes a spot that makes Loki gasp. He smiles and brushes the spot again. Loki’s legs fall open for him and his cock fills so fast his vision is almost swimming.

He reaches down and hits a patch of wetness that knocks the breath from his chest. “Fuck.”

Loki nods and kisses him off center, then again on the lips. Thor slides one finger into his brother and knows he wants to be inside him always. Cock, tongue, fingers, anything. Anything Loki will give him he wants. 

He fucks Loki with his finger and feels the wetness coating his palm. Loki moans and tilts his hips up, draws him further in and Thor’s stomach flips. He thought he’d fallen as far as he could, but he was wrong. Fuck, he was wrong. He adds another finger and Loki grabs his shoulder with one hand and his forearm with the other.

“Harder,” Loki gasps. A huge, red firework goes off overhead, the light creeping in and painting Loki pink.

Thor nods and obeys, uses his entire arm to shove his fingers into his brother’s body. The motion slams the heel of his hand on Loki’s hardness and his mouth waters. There’s so much he wants to do, and he wishes the cap was tall enough for Loki to sit on his face. They have time, though. The rest of their lives, maybe. Hopefully.

Loki fucks himself on Thor’s hand and he’s never been happier to be used. Hot and wet and god he’s so beautiful like this, making the truck rock with the motion of his hips. He’s so warm inside and he’s squeezing Thor’s fingers so tight. Tighter and tighter and oh, oh. Thor looks at Loki’s face, sees a crease in his brow that melts away as his eyes roll into his head and his body sags into the foam underneath them. He slides his fingers as far into Loki’s body as he can, desperate to feel every throb and pulse of Loki cumming on his fingers.

Loki breathes hard and fills the bed with little mewling sounds. His mouth curves on a smile Thor has never seen before. Light, carefree. Thor matches it and feels weightless inside. He did that.

Once Loki’s body has calmed Thor pulls his fingers out and brings them to his mouth. He sucks them clean, tastes salt and something a little musky, not at all like the time he ate out his ex-girlfriend.

“My turn,” Loki breathes.

Thor still has his fingers in his mouth when Loki grabs his cock and squeezes it until he grunts. He shifts to lay more on his back and keeps sucking his fingers as Loki jacks him off. The angle is awkward at first, then Loki rolls onto his side and settles into a rhythm that makes Thor’s stomach jump. No one else has touched him like this and now he doesn’t want there to be anyone else.

He licks up the last of Loki’s slick from his palm until he only tastes his own skin and drops his hand onto his chest. Loki leans in and kisses his shining fingers, then the corner of his mouth, then his cheek, and then he breathes in Thor’s ear and whatever words are about to come out of his mouth are going to be lethal, Thor knows it.

“I didn’t realize you were this big,” Loki whispers, “I have a cock this big back home.”

Thor’s head slams back into his pillow and his hips jerk violently. He feels empty all of the sudden.

Loki continues, “when we get home we really should take a night to ourselves and fill each other up.”

Thor’s stomach shakes and he’s so close he can’t even speak. He grabs Loki with his dirty hand and holds his breath, feels his lungs burn and make the pleasure so much sharper, better. Loki twists his wrist and Thor sobs as he cums. Cool air rushes over him as Loki tosses the blanket aside and rushes down, sucks Thor’s cock into his mouth as it jumps and swallows everything, then licks up the splash he missed on Thor’s belly.

Blue fire fills the sky to one side, gold on the other. The windows are completely fogged now, the shapes of the fireworks fuzzy and soft. Just a cascade of color that fades out as quickly as it began. He reaches out and tucks Loki’s hair behind his ear and his eyes burn with tears.

Loki’s eyes are watery, too. They smile and both laugh, and when the first tear falls from Loki’s eyes he hides his face against Thor’s stomach.

More fireworks are set off all around them in a circle, the colors mingling and flashing, painting them both in a kaleidoscope. Must be the finale. Thor sighs and pets his brother’s curly hair. Loki lifts his head and Thor sees him, sees into him.

“I love you,” he says, promises with the knowledge that however he changes that won’t.

Loki grins and takes a slow breath, nods twice. “I know. I love you, too.”

And this, Thor thinks, is the only thing that has ever mattered to him.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if you liked it :3


End file.
